When I finally went to sleep, I was feeling extremely sad for this mother of four, now lying in a hospital bed, struggling to heal burns on 80% of her body as family members care for her four young children. The post that I kept going back to was one where she and her husband had created a Back to School Feast for their two daughters. It was so simple, yet so elegant, and such a loving gesture from Stephanie and Christian to their two young daughters.
My husband, Trent and I have three young daughters, but, because of many reasons, including my own “tendency toward melancholy,” as Elizabeth Gilbert would say, I seem to just barely make it through to the end of each day. I’m lucky if dinner is hot and homemade (and not of the prepared frozen variety). To see the life that Stephanie was leading before her accident, and to think of her now lying in a hospital bed made me angry at myself for the joy I have missed out on during the past five and half years since I’ve been at home with my daughters. Don’t get me wrong, I have had a lot of really fun times with my children, and I do work really hard to create happy memories for them, but that’s just it: it doesn't come naturally to me, so it really is work. It seems like it was effortless for Stephanie. To see the life she has lived makes me feel ashamed that I’m not making more of an effort to create more joy in our home. And so, today, in her honor, I have decided to choose joy. I realize that it's a bit of a cliche, but this woman who I’ve never met, and who I've only recently discovered online has inspired me to want to be a better person. I want to be a better mother to my children; I want to bring more joy into our everyday life.
Thank you, Stephanie. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Christian, your children, and your friends and family.
1 comment:
Beautifully written little sister! I was talking to our other sister a few days ago, and I said sometimes when I'm feeling down, I remember--being a history major--that maybe I can't just metamorphose into that perfect mother I wanted to be. But what I can be is a better mother than the one I had. By choosing joy more often, and choosing to work towards it even when it's hard, I, we (with our different mothers) create more joy for our children. And they, in turn, can hopefully create more joy in their lives. I used to think it was the big gestures that changed the world; now I think the world becomes a better place, one smile, one laugh, one door held open for another at a time.
C. S. Lewis writes in _Mere Christianity_ about the difference between feeling and action. He writes that God doesn't expect us to feel love for those we dislike; he expects us to treat them with love, to want the best for them. God doesn't expect us to feel the sentiment of faith, but he expects us to act in faith. While it might not feel as good to be trying for joy, it doesn't matter as much as what you do. And in the long run, the more you act as if you are joyful, the more joy you will feel.
Oh, and thanks for reminding me to do the same. And who says Stephanie didn't work at it sometimes too. And for the blogphere to know, you're doing a fabulous job with your lovely girls. And thanks to my friend who lit a fire under your desire to write.
Love, Sarah
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